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The Life Of An Unborn Child

Published in 'The Art of Healing' Magazine May 2009

Where is it that we first experience emotions of love, anxiety, sadness, rejection, and joy? As Verny (2002) says, in the first school we ever attend – our mother’s womb. Of course we bring our own strengths, preferences and intelligence from our genetic endowment, or as some may say, within our soul from our past lives. However, the teacher’s personality, as Very explains, exerts a powerful influence on the life of the student; the unborn child. How does she teach you? Is she kind, patient and attentive? Does she spend time with her student? Does she welcome him, love him? Or is she stressed, anxious, or distracted? Is the classroom quiet or noisy, sweet or bitter, a place a calm and peace, or a cauldron of stress? Through all my study into relatively new area of Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology, numerous lines of evidence and hundreds of research studies have convinced me that it makes a difference whether or not we are conceived in love or hate, joy or violence? It makes a difference whether the mother desires to have the child or not. It makes a difference whether the mother feels supported by her friends and family, is free of addictions, lives a secure, stress-free environment and receives good prenatal care. All of these factors impact the life of the unborn child.

In Thomas Verny’s book ‘The Art and Science of Parenting from Conception Through Infancy,’ he explains what parents can do before and during their pregnancy to help birth and raise a loved, whole, child. He explains various topics, that when undertaken will help one to become a “conscious parent”. His topics of interest include both physical and emotional aspects of parenting during the prenatal period.

An exert from Verny’s book is below describing one of his client’s personal experiences with her daughter:

“ When my daughter Marion was born she looked angry to me. I said so out loud but my obstetrician and the nurses just laughed. "Babies don't have any feelings, it's probably gas", they said.
I forgot about this incident until I read your book. Marion is 12 years old now, and I thought, why not ask her? So I did. I asked her straight out.
"Were you angry when you were born?" And she said, "Yes, I was."
"Why?"
And she answered, "Because you wanted a boy."
I was shocked but she was right. Throughout my pregnancy I wished and prayed for a boy. I don't know why, I just wanted to have a son. When the doctor told me that I had a girl, I felt a pang of disappointment, but honestly, within hours, I was in love with her. So, it's not as if she had picked up my feelings after birth. When I admitted my folly another surprising thing happened. Ever since Marion was an infant there seemed to
exist this invisible wall between us. It was nothing you could put your finger on, she never gave me any trouble, but no matter what I did I could not reach her. Well, the amazing thing is that after we had this heart-to-heart talk, the wall fell away. Now I finally feel connected to her”.

How are the emotions and thoughts of the mother communicated to her child? There are three main channels of communication, and these are active right from conception.

Molecular Communication: molecules of emotion, including sex hormones, stress hormones such as adrenaline and noradrenaline, neurohormones reach the unborn child through the placenta and umbilical cord. The child is just as much a part of the mother as is her heart or lungs.

Sensory Communication: any action or movement like stoking, tapping, talking, singing, walking, or rubbing her tummy communicates to her child through these senses. The unborn child will communicate in a similar way through kicking and moving. If he is liking what Mum is playing, singing or doing, then he may kick energetically but gently, however, if Mum is at a loud rock-concert, there have been reports of pregnant mothers having to leave because they felt sick from the strong, violent kicks they were receiving from their unborn child. Depending on their upbringing or circumstances, some mothers will be better listeners than others.

Intuitive Communication: telepathic communication exists between humans in general and this begins in the womb. You may have experienced moments of this in your own life where, you might all of sudden think of a friend, and then they call. Or twins, even though they are on the other side of the world, can know when something is wrong with the other one because somehow they are connected. There is no deeper connection than between mother and her child. The intuitive communication is transmitted through the mother’s thoughts, emotions, intentions, and much of her emotion to her baby. The mother may receive communication from her baby in the form of dreams as the baby is always communicating. It is up to the mother to tune into her baby, and listen.

Through these intricate and exquisite forms of communication, the child learns about herself, her mother and the world. In a study documented in 1986 in The Journal of the
American Academy Of Medical Hypnoanalysts called “Reliability Of Birth Memory: Observations From Mother And Child Pairs In Hypnosis,” David Chamberlain PhD, concluded that we remember our birth. Not consciously, but unconsciously the experience is imprinted in our nervous system. How we are born sends a message to us saying either that the world is a safe place, or a place to be feared.

With this knowledge in mind, parents can begin to act more consciously; having awareness of how their actions may affect their child. As Pam Leo says, “how we treat the child, the child treats the world.” If we are wanting a peaceful change in our society, it begins with us and how we raise our children. If we have not cleaned out our own cobwebs, we pass our neurotic tendencies onto our children (Ward, 1999) and the cycle continues. Through personal transformation and healing of our own birth, upbringing or past, we then have the choice as to how we parent: lovingly, kindly, open and supportively.

This knowledge may bring about feelings of guilt for some mothers, knowing that perhaps they didn’t want their child at first, or that they abused drugs, or experienced a lot of stress during their pregnancy. You may wonder how this has affected your child? Healing can take place over a lifetime and it is never too late to say, ‘I love you,’ or ‘I am sorry,’, or simply to sit down with our children and tell them the truth. In a moment of truth, any wall can crumble and we can reconnect to those we love, just like Marion did with her daughter. Understanding this knowledge is power. We have the choice as to what kind of relationship we would like to create with our children. When we communicate to our children from a foundation of love, gentleness and support, this can and does heal anything created in the past. Every human being wants to be respected, acknowledged and loved. In one moment, and in one choice, we have the power to transform our relationships with those we love.


Verny, T. R. with Weintraub, P. (2002). Tomorrow’s baby: The art and science of parenting from conception through infancy. (pp. 53-66). New York, NY: Simon & Schuster.

Chamberlain, D. (1986/1999). Reliability of birth memory: Observations from mother and child pairs in hypnosis. Journal of Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology and Health, 14(1-2), 19-29. (Original publication: Journal of the American Academy of Medical Hypnoanalysis, 1(2), 89-98.)


Ward, S.A. (1999). Birth trauma in infants and children. Journal of Prenatal & Perinatal Psychology & Health, 13(3-4), 201-212.

Published in The Art of Healing Magazine 2009